everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just found a bag of teeth...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
