I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
did i walk over a car last night?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
