Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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