Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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