you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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