its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
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He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
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She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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