I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my shit smells like andre
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
