His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
