i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
