I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
