I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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