We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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