oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
And then he peed in my hair
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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