I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
