When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
