u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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