My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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