What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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