Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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