We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
