i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My vagina just recognized that song.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
