ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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