Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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