I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
