Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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