The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
