He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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