Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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