Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
