It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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