I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Randomize
