just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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