Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
