bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
