Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
