I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
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it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
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Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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