Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
