So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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