The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
