Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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