i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
