If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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