If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
