I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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