I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
