Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
dude. I can hear the air.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
