I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
