my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
