No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
