What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
