Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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