So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
