i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize