so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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