As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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