how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
