Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
