the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
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Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
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Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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