I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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