I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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