The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
