i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
