I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
