if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
